Everytime We Touch


*This post contains material of a sexual nature.

When I was younger, I only had the media to teach me about relationships and sex. My parents never talked about it. I don’t think I had a friend with a boyfriend until I was 13 or 14.

The media always portrays boys as perpetually hungry for sex. Ready for it anytime, anywhere. Wanting it all the time, everywhere. That’s why I was so surprised about my sex life.

My first sexual encounter with my boyfriend was a little awkward. I initiated it, and he was kind of shy and embarrassed the whole time. Afterwards he thanked me for what I gave to him, and I never quite knew what that was, but I think it was just for his first sexual experience. For the record, he also thanked me for our first kiss.

The media never prepared me for him.

My boyfriend has never once asked me for sex. He’s never once asked me if we could do it. I have.

He usually reads situations. If we start to kiss and get a little feely, I’ll make sure it’s 100% clear that it’s go-time. He’s never pressured me. He always makes sure I’m 100% comfortable with everything we do. He was also willing to reclaim abstinence after a certain talk we had before, but I wasn’t a fan of that.

What touches me the most is that one time I asked him what his favorite part of sex is, and his answer was, “When we’re together afterwards.”

His favorite part of sex is the afterglow. He likes the cuddling, and the laughing, and the kissing. He likes just laying there with me naked, holding me with no other intentions. He loves laying down next to me and looking me in the eyes, and kissing my forehead and just hearing my heavy breathing.

I’ve asked him this question over and over again, and it’s always the same.

I can’t blame him.

I can see why people like hooking up, and the excitement of a one night stand. But I think the warm and comforting feeling of an afterglow with someone you love is beyond compare.

You lie there together, half breathless. Your hormones are rushing and your head is in another place: you’re euphoric. Then suddenly their touch bring you back to earth. You feel their lips against one cheek and then the other. Then on your forehead, your nose, and finally your lips. You lie on their chest, and hear the fast pace of their heartbeat. Your heavy breathing soon synchronizes, and slows together as you begin to relax. You might small talk and laugh, you might be thinking of getting in the shower together to cool off. But mostly you take comfort in their warmth. Just being there together, feeling each other’s presence, looking into each other’s eyes. The feeling you get is just as good as the sex.

I don’t know what I ever did to deserve such a good boyfriend. “Good” doesn’t do him justice. He’s just the kind of guy that has a warmth and a sincerity that I wish for all of my friends, and especially my daughter.

Ember, if you ever read this, first of all sorry you read about your parents having sex. And second, I hope you one day find a man (or a woman) as loving as your father is.


Fifty Shades of Fun

For some it’s food. For others, maybe a comic book or movie. A dance or a song, etc etc. I’m always reluctant to admit it in front of my smarty-party friends, but the Twilight saga is definitely my biggest guilty pleasure.



I know the critiques of it are numerous and the compliments are few. Everyone questions what it teaches the youth: that the most important thing in life is being in a relationship. The writing is second-rate, and it probably used about 1/1,000th of the creativity it took to make the Harry Potter series. It’s a cliched love triangle story, and a lack-luster one at that.

But, nevertheless, I love it.

Hey, that’s why they call it a guilty pleasure.
(Fun fact: I named this post after Fifty Shades of Grey, the latest S&M mommy porn novel that originally started as a Twilight fan fiction. Go figure!)

I’ve been on vacation with my family for the past week. The other night we were trying to find something on TV, and lo and behold we stumbled upon Breaking Dawn Part 2. It was the first time I had seen it. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I started swooning. I giggled like a silly school girl and I yearned for affection.

The Twilight saga always takes me back to the time when I first read the series (I believe the summer after 7th grade). Most of my friends were obsessed, and so was I. Admittedly I read the entire first book in a day, and the pattern continued with the rest of the series.

When I first read the series, I had just turned 13. I had never been in a relationship before and I had never felt love for anyone outside of my family. To me, the thought of this illogically perfect relationship with a man that loved you unconditionally for no apparent reason seemed like a dream. I wanted to be wooed and romanced, because I had never experienced that before. Reading it, I felt like I finally knew what passion was. Doing anything to make the other person happy, tying your life to theirs, wanting to twine your souls together for all eternity.

Not gonna lie, I used to stay up wishing I had a vampire watching me from the corner of my room. Swoon swoon.


“The Proper Reaction”

But really, for someone like me who grew up knowing absolutely nothing about boys, I was pretty obsessed with love stories. This was just the first story I ever read that had sex in it hohoho.

To get personal, the reason I decided to write this post is because a dream of mine is finally coming true. In 3 weeks I’ll be going to the beach with my boyfriend! I’m 18 and Filipino, things like this don’t happen. Ever. But my mom is cooler than other moms and made my dad get over it. Soon I’ll be splashing in the ocean and walking down the beach holding hands with my sugar buns.

Growing up watching love stories and watching shoujo anime with their obligatory beach episodes where the heroine goes to the beach with a group of her friends (including sempai) and a series of events always gets them together in some dreamy ooey gooey romantic way, I never expected I’d ever get to do it too.


And of course, obligatory anime beach episode watermelon smashing.

I don’t want an unnecessarily and awkwardly perfect relationship like Bella and Edward’s. I love being challenged by my boo. It’s just sometimes it’s nice to unwind with an old fantasy every now and then.